It is quite easy to be submarined by the nattering nabobs of negativity when it comes to relationships, but have you ever stopped to consider the source? I’m willing to bet that these “sages of the ages” are lackluster about life in general and not just romance. This is a warning to all who think that the depletion of passion is just par for the golf course of life. Bull.

That initial energy you feel in the beginning of a relationship is more than just nerves. Its the energy that a couple feeds each other when their love is pristine and new. It comes without blame, without criticism, and without baggage. Your only focus centers on how to make your love blissfully happy and most of you energy is directed towards keeping this “high.” You carry their happiness in your hip pocket and feel no qualms about how to enhance the status quo. You’re giddy, and the glow you radiate is like a magnet for other people. Without trying, people of the opposite sex seem unexplainably drawn to your energy and the world is your oyster. Get the picture?

So why does something this magnificent suddenly come to a halt? Do the little love notes stop? Are there no flowers or efforts to make your favorite meal anymore? Are the little moments that don’t cost anything disappearing into the sunset? If you want to stop this disintegration; keep reading.

There is a certain energy that men and women both require in order to nurture their passion. Both thrive on intimacy, but men and women have different ways of expressing this closeness. If you need a barometer to determine when this sexual energy is not being fed, consider this.

Your sex life has never been better and both of you crave being together. As the evening finally arrives at that moment of physical possibility you succumb to the dance. He/she starts by pushing all of your buttons and foreplay has officially started. It seems to be right on track when you notice that he/she stops short. Rather than continuing with the intense foreplay, your partner has taken a decided break. There is a lackluster amount of reciprocity and at first you think you’re imagining it.

You decide to slow your pace to see if your partner will meet your efforts, but no. You’re not crazy he/she has just taken the role of taker rather than giver and your mind reels. Have they suddenly found you less attractive? Are they suddenly disinterested in teasing your sweet spots? You think you’re imagining things, but there is a palpable difference in your lovemaking. Perhaps you get through it a few times (dazed and confused) but now you know its happening. Your partner is giving you a kick-start, but thinking that the rest of the activity lies in your court.

This could effectively be the beginning of the end. Intimacy thrives on knowing that your partner is always thinking of way to validate or treasure you. If you notice that things have cooled-even for a while, there is damage. You anticipate this and start to withdraw, he/she in turn does the same thing. Not because they want, but out of self-preservation. You’re thinking that if they no longer feel that moved by you, why should you be in this alone? So you wane. This pattern becomes the silent observation and pretty soon you’re both frustrated and miserable.

Don’t let this happen. It’s not tending to the sex; its tending to the energy that sustains your sex that matters. As soon as your partner starts to feel marginalized you’ve got a problem. Your job is to commit to the energy that made your relationship hum so you can continue to deepen you intimacy. These principles repeat throughout your relationship, and are the basis of tantric love. I will be diving into this subject in greater detail for articles to come, so keep reading and we’ll explore this practice in greater detail. Until we strap in for this; I leave you with one small idea. Take a moment to look your lover in the eyes and reclaim the fire that has become a slow burn.