Does the Sex Life All Go Downhill from Here?
Follow along with this little scenario and let me know if it sounds familiar: you’ve recently hit if off with a wonderful new mate and go for some nookie as things progress. In fact, you can’t keep your hands of one another. Your compatibility OUTSIDE the bedroom inspires you to pursue the same intimacy under the covers…again…and again…and again. Though you were often “too tired” before to hang with friends, run errands, or clean the house, you all of a sudden have a free schedule, loaded with energy to meet your new lover wherever, whenever.
Work opposite shifts? No problem. Long-distance relationship? You can work around it – think of all the frequent-flier miles! Kids’ schedules in the way? You quickly memorize the names and phone numbers of babysitters within a 15-mile radius. In short, you become Super Woman or Super Man to see your equally-as-horny lover. I’ve read over and over that in the beginning, NOTHING could stop these couples from engaging in a quickie, groping under the tables at restaurants, and even making out during MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL (gasp! the horror!).
Many of the said couples continue the relationships, date for years, and perhaps move in together and/or marry. And, according to some of you, that’s where it all begins to go downhill. After pouring over dozens and dozens of your emails, the phenomenon boils down to this: whereas before you had to get sex when you could, cancelling appointments, finding babysitters, doing WHATEVER it took, now that you live together, the urgency and immediacy have immensely decreased. Before cohabitation, you never really knew when your next sexual thrill would come (no pun intended). Sure you could guess that it would be after your weekly Saturday night date, but you never REALLY knew; hence, the urgency to get it when and where you could.
But all that has changed now, right? Where’s the urgency if you wake up and go to bed with your partner EVERY SINGLE DAY? All of a sudden it’s easier to flop into bed without making love on a Tuesday night if you know you can just get some tomorrow. You now know when you will see each other next, and, as crazy as this sounds, Monday Night Football becomes a priority again. I’ve had several people tell me “He/she couldn’t keep he/her hands off me before we moved in, but now we only have sex once every…” you fill in the blank.
Why, why, why, people? Does this HAVE to be a natural pro- gression? I’m sincerely asking. I want, no, I NEED to know why we’re letting this happen. I want to hear from couples who have been able to maintain urgency with their lovemaking or those who found themselves taking each other for granted but were able to get back on track. Or perhaps you’re okay with the change. WE want to know. If you HAVE noticed a change, are you okay with it, or would you prefer sex on a more regular basis? Send your comments in IMMEDIATELY so we can help readers at the end of the week. For consideration for Friday’s reader comments, put “downhill from here” or something similar in your email’s subject header.
I can’t help but reflect on a reader comment from a couple months ago. Someone wrote in about “hotel urgency.” One reader’s wife no longer preferred to have sex as often… except while on vacation. In a hotel setting, the story was completely different, as there was a time table to their sexual adventures, a sense of urgency if you will. Is this the same phenomenon as today’s topic? And is it all tied to taking one another for granted? Write in, my dearheart.