How to Mend a broken Heart
While leaving someone isn’t easy, you’ll find that being the one that’s left is even more difficult. At one point or another, we all unfortunately have to go through the humbling experience of getting dumped. It’s an inevitable rite of passage that makes us more sensitive individuals.
There’s absolutely no way to sweeten heartbreak. While it can spawn creativity in poets and country western songwriters, the whole situations pretty much stinks on a whole. Any way you look at it, being the one that was ‘dumped’ is always worse than being the one doing the dumping. It doesn’t even matter how much you liked the other person. Your ego is bound to get bruised and cracked.
Time is the only remedy for heartbreak. And much like mourning the death of someone you cared about, you will have to go through several stages of grief before you can begin recovery.
When you first hear the news you may feel numb or shocked. This is because you do not yet understand what has happened to you and your life around you. You mind is unable to process this information correctly. One minute the two of you are a hot item, the next minute your friends or nothing at all. Its pretty hard to process and pretty hard to stomach on matter which angle you look at it.
The disbelief stage can last anywhere from half a minute to a whole lifetime. Some individuals simply refuse to believe what has happened knowing that if they accept the situation they fear that they may never recover. Don’t let this mistake happen to you. Your objective and ultimate goal is to accept your fate and move on to other endeavors. Being dumped is not the end of the world, so try to think through your irrational first instincts and what has happened as quickly as possible so you can begin the healing process.
As long as you don’t beat your insignificant other to a pulp, burn down their house, or slash your past companion’s tires, expressing you anger is a healthy outlet for all those negative emotions welling up inside of you. If you want to tell you ex how you feel, go ahead and do it because you really have nothing to lose. If you feel jaded, speak your mind and let them deal with the fallout.
Another way of dealing with your anger is to maybe write a poem or even draw a picture expressing your anguish. Feel free to write a long letter to your ex, being sure to hurtfully pick apart all of their insecurities, and then burn or destroy it. Basically, do everything necessary to keep yourself from acting on any immature, inappropriate impulses towards aggression. Losing control over you actions may feel wonderful for a couple of seconds, but it will only make you feel worse afterwards.
The guilt stage should rear its ugly head right around the time you are done venting your frustrations. Most individuals seem to turn their anger inward during this phase. You may even blame yourself for the ruined relationship. Spend some time in this stage, but do not linger in it for too long. See it for what it is and move on to the next stage. People who indulge themselves and spend countless days reliving the rejection can drive themselves insane.
In order to progress through this stage, you must remember that nothing you could have done by yourself could have contributed to the demise of the relationship. Unless you cheated on you partner, it ‘takes two to tango’. So if you decide to turn on yourself for some minor infraction like flirting too much, think twice about putting too much credence into these ideas. It’s more likely incompatibility issues that caused the problem and you need to start getting on with your life.
If you start crying for no apparent reason or go through severe mood swings, then you’re probably entering the grief stage of the recovery process. No matter how shocked you were about the breakup or how badly you were mistreated, you will have pains of loneliness for some months to come. There is a saying that it takes three months to recover from every six months you were together, but the time varies for every individual.
Just remember that your attitude can have a tremendous impact on how long it takes for you to get back in the swing of the dating life. You can always mope around the house in your sweats feeling sorry for yourself or you can get out there and force yourself to enjoy your life and the opportunities you still have in front of you. While a certain amount of grief is expected, it is ultimately your responsibility to decide how long it will last.
Coming to terms with a breakup may be one of the hardest things you’ll come across in your life, but if you are dedicated to overcoming it, you will eventually enter the final acceptance stage sooner or later. The funny thing about accepting the heartbreaking breakup is that you never know when it will happen. You might be out for the evening and realized that you didn’t think about the one who hurt you all night or you may wake up one morning only to discover the ache in you heart is no longer there.
When you do finally reach this stage, be grateful that you made it through this grueling experience. Understand that this situation has made you stronger and be sure to never to get embittered by the whole predicament. Focusing on the positive side of recovery will make you a more confident person and will also prepare you for certain obstacles that may arise in the future. What you really need to do is celebrate. You have moved to a higher level, a higher plane, and moments like these should be remembered forever.